I decided that if surgery was a necessity then I was going to follow through. I scheduled my surgery and prepared for the best. I could've dwelled on the “what could potentially happen or what could go wrong” but I chose not to "concern myself with matters greater than me."
Expecting the Best Instead of the Worst
Immediately after I made the decision to have surgery, I began to prepare for the big day. It would require me to alter my lifestyle for a while but I was fine with that because I had faith that in the end it would be worth it. During my pre-op appointment my doctor explained my options once again. The plan was to clamp off my fallopian tube but the worst case scenario would be complete removal. Although I knew removal was a possibility, I never thought it would actually happen.
The night before my surgery I called my mom in the middle of the night. I knew I had to be there early but I couldn't sleep. For the first time I was anxious and nervous about what was really happening and it didn't help that it was my first surgery without my mom. It wasn’t a feeling of worry but more so a feeling of uncertainty. She prayed with me and reassured me that everything would be ok. A few hours later I reported to the hospital ready for whatever may happen.
As I sat in the room alone, after saying my name, date of birth and the nature of my surgery at least 10 times, I began to pray. I prayed for God to cover me through my surgery and to heal me. My husband entered the room, we prayed once again knowing that this was not the end of our journey but only the beginning. After finishing our prayer we heard a knock on the door, it was my nurse. It was time!
The surgery went well but I quickly learned that the worst case scenario happened. My fallopian tube had to be removed. As I heard those words, my heart sunk but I wasn’t sure why. I knew this was a possibility so why was I so emotional about it actually happening. A part of me wanted to breakdown and cry but I remembered how blessed I am. Although I had lost a small part of me, I hadn’t lost the fight in me. I was tremendously blessed to be alive and healthy. It wasn’t the end, only a minor setback and I was determined to not let this conquer me. I was focused on recovery and moving on to the next step on my journey to motherhood.
"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalms 18:1-2
To Be Continued…
Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless