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My Journey to Motherhood: Motherhood is a Blessing Not a Guarantee Part IV

9/29/2015

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Immediately following my surgery I had to make a choice about my next step in my journey. I couldn’t dwell on what I had lost. I had to remind myself that it was only a small part of me and that I was blessed to have options when so many others did not. There was no pressure to move forward however I didn’t want to delay with the onset of football season. Yes it sounds crazy to some but we have to base our lives around football. From our wedding to opening businesses, football season is usually off limits. With any option my husband would have to be in town in order for it to work.

I knew that after my surgery natural conception was not a viable option, and I didn’t want to spend years testing the percentages. We went in for my checkup and discussed our alternatives. My doctor explained the process of intrauterine (artificial) insemination and in-vitro fertilization (IVF). I must admit prior to starting my journey to motherhood, I never bothered to learn the difference between insemination and IVF, or the costs associated with the procedures. I assumed they were procedures that would never be a part of my life. Like most women, I never thought I would need help at such a young age conceiving. I always believed that as long as I started before I hit 35, I would have no problems. Unfortunately, I was wrong.  

Intrauterine (artificial) insemination is less invasive and less expensive than IVF. “In this procedure, sperm are inserted directly into a woman's cervix, fallopian tubes, or uterus. This makes the trip shorter for the sperm and bypasses any possible obstructions.” (WebMD.com) It had a more natural aspect to the process but for me a lower percentage of effectiveness. IVF is more invasive and requires more resources including countless injections and pills. “IVF involves combining eggs and sperm outside the body in a laboratory. Once an embryo or embryos form, they are then placed in the uterus. IVF is a complex and expensive procedure; only about 5% of couples with infertility seek it out.” (WebMD.com)

Making the Right Choice for Our Family

As my doctor explained the processes of both routes, I knew in my mind that I wanted to take the road less traveled. I honestly didn’t give insemination a second thought after we began to discuss IVF. The percentage of effectiveness was high and I could choose how many embryos I wanted to transfer. I wasn’t sure how many times I was willing to take my body through the process. There was no guarantee that it would work however I felt God speak to me. I had no reservations even though I only had the slightest idea of how taxing IVF is on the body. 

Prior to officially making the decision we had to speak with the financial department at the fertility facility. She was a very busy woman and I think has the toughest job in the building. She began to explain the costs associated with both procedures and how most insurance companies do not cover any aspect of fertility treatments. It is still viewed as an elective procedure and most couples have to cover the expenses out of pocket. This was shocking after she told us how much the average IVF procedure would cost versus insemination. The average cost of insemination is $1,000 and the average cost of IVF is $13,000, the cost of a small car. All of which have to be paid up front. At that moment I felt so blessed to have options, but I also felt a sense of compassion for those who did not. I saw so many couples in tears in her office because they could not afford to pay for the medications or the injections preventing them from becoming parents. I prayed and thanked God for blessing my husband and I with this opportunity.

Even though the process would be far more difficult, I chose my path and my path was IVF. 

“…But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

To Be Continued…

Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless

Tenisha

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My Journey to Motherhood: Motherhood is a Blessing Not a Guarantee Part III

9/20/2015

4 Comments

 
Finding out I had to have surgery definitely was a shocker. I had been under the knife before but ACL reconstruction is far from reproductive issues. I knew that if anything I had to be brave. I didn't want to make excuses or use anything as a crutch for not doing all I could to fix what was wrong.

I decided that if surgery was a necessity then I was going to follow through. I scheduled my surgery and prepared for the best. I could've dwelled on the “what could potentially happen or what could go wrong” but I chose not to "concern myself with matters greater than me."

Expecting the Best Instead of the Worst

Immediately after I made the decision to have surgery, I began to prepare for the big day. It would require me to alter my lifestyle for a while but I was fine with that because I had faith that in the end it would be worth it. During my pre-op appointment my doctor explained my options once again. The plan was to clamp off my fallopian tube but the worst case scenario would be complete removal. Although I knew removal was a possibility, I never thought it would actually happen. 

The night before my surgery I called my mom in the middle of the night. I knew I had to be there early but I couldn't sleep. For the first time I was anxious and nervous about what was really happening and it didn't help that it was my first surgery without my mom. It wasn’t a feeling of worry but more so a feeling of uncertainty. She prayed with me and reassured me that everything would be ok. A few hours later I reported to the hospital ready for whatever may happen. 

As I sat in the room alone, after saying my name, date of birth and the nature of my surgery at least 10 times, I began to pray. I prayed for God to cover me through my surgery and to heal me. My husband entered the room, we prayed once again knowing that this was not the end of our journey but only the beginning. After finishing our prayer we heard a knock on the door, it was my nurse. It was time!

The surgery went well but I quickly learned that the worst case scenario happened. My fallopian tube had to be removed. As I heard those words, my heart sunk but I wasn’t sure why. I knew this was a possibility so why was I so emotional about it actually happening. A part of me wanted to breakdown and cry but I remembered how blessed I am. Although I had lost a small part of me, I hadn’t lost the fight in me.  I was tremendously blessed to be alive and healthy. It wasn’t the end, only a minor setback and I was determined to not let this conquer me. I was focused on recovery and moving on to the next step on my journey to motherhood.

"I love you, O Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalms 18:1-2

To Be Continued…

Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless

Tenisha


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My Journey to Motherhood: Motherhood is a Blessing Not a Guarantee Part II

9/13/2015

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After leaving my appointment, I still had no idea about the severity of my condition, and it didn't help that reading an X-ray is nearly impossible for someone who is not in the medical field. I knew it was something that had to be addressed but I figured it had to be something a pill or two could fix. I didn't bother Googling it because honestly sometimes the "answers" you find create more anxiety than actual value. I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist and her demeanor was more calm than the PA and more of what I expected. She informed me that I needed to see a fertility specialist immediately because it was something that would definitely prevent me from getting pregnant. 

Learning that Surgery was the Only Viable Option

My husband and I walked into our first appointment at the reproductive facility and it was packed. There were some older women but surprisingly it was more women in my age group. They filled the seats wearing somber faces. The atmosphere was engulfed with anxiety and a feeling of depression. I knew all of the women were dealing with infertility in some form although I didn't know their individual stories. After checking in we took our seats and waited before being called back. As I was sitting there I began to look around the room. So many of these women looked like me. Some dressed professionally because they were squeezing their appointments in before work, others dressed casually accompanied by their husbands or significant others. How could this be? So many women who were still young and hadn't reached that infamous 35 mark who were struggling just like me. I realized this is not a woman over 35 issue and that the age of fertility difficulty was decreasing right before our eyes.

I was referred to the only female doctor at the office. I was shocked that she was the only woman. It was such a sensitive subject and honestly only a feeling that women can truly understand. So why was she the only one? I considered it to be a blessing that I was paired with her. We finally met with her and she was by far the most upbeat physician I had ever met. She had a very positive attitude and was very encouraging. She reviewed my chart, X-rays and blood work and what she said next was the game changer.

She explained that somehow I had scar tissue throughout my abdomen and that one of my Fallopian tubes was dilated and blocked and the other was blocked by scar tissue. How is this even possible? I was so healthy. I never had issues in the past and I was faithful with my annual appointments.


She told me I had one viable choice, I had to have surgery. I couldn't get pregnant naturally, and artificial insemination (AI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) wouldn't be successful if I didn't fix my dilated fallopian tube.  I discussed it with my husband and his reaction was of pure concern. He never wanted to see me hurting or in pain, and the look on his face was breaking my heart. I didn't want to disappoint him because I knew how much he was looking forward to one day becoming a father. I didn't know how I felt about my options but I did know that my faith in God was strong and I was willing to do what I needed to, not just for fertility purposes but for my overall health.

To be continued...

Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless

Tenisha


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My Journey to Motherhood: Motherhood is a Blessing Not a Guarantee

9/5/2015

5 Comments

 

When I started my blog, I always knew that I wanted to write about my journey to motherhood. I knew deep down that my story was worth telling. Not because I'm a narcissus but because I was praying that my story could help someone else.

As women, regardless of how much you accomplish in your career, there is still the expectation that someday you will bear children or be a mother. There's also an assumption that getting pregnant is easy, and if you don't get pregnant quickly then that means you're not trying hard enough. Then you have the issue of people constantly asking you when you're going to get pregnant, who are unaware of the fact that you may be having difficulty. Lastly, you have the issue of people looking at you like you have a horrible disease when they find out you are having trouble getting pregnant. The most common question: "what's wrong with you?" Quite frankly it's grossly insensitive  because 99% of the time it's directed at women, there's a lack of awareness of the emotional state of the person, and they may not want  to discuss their issues with you. The biological process of getting pregnant is simple however sometimes everything does not work as it should.

Honestly, I contemplated not writing about my journey because you are trained to believe that pregnancy and more importantly fertility issues are very private and should never be shared with anyone except your partner or mother. Every person who I spoke with including those struggling with fertility themselves, always said sympathetically "I'm so sorry," despite my upbeat tone, and then promised to keep what I told them a secret even though I never asked them to. It was literally the first thing they said after I discussed my journey with them. I understand that they were being sympathetic and respecting my privacy but I wasn't depressed or embarrassed. I knew I didn't do anything wrong and that what was happening to me was completely out of my control. Yes I'm somewhat a private person but I wish that I had someone speaking out about the prevalence of fertility issues instead of feeling like I was the only woman going through it or that I should hide in the shadows.

I decided that instead of perpetuating the stigma I would speak about my challenges. I will spend the next few weeks walking you through my story.

Learning Something was Wrong

The questions about having children started the moment I got married, and it didn't help that I was about to turn 30. On my wedding day I was bombarded with questions primarily centered around producing miniature versions of my husband and I. We had been together so long and everyone especially our parents were dying to see us have children. We talked about it but we wanted to wait. As I have said in my previous posts, I'm an only child and not really a kids person so I wasn't pressed to get pregnant. We also wanted time to enjoy being married. But in February 2015 I started a journey that I will never forget.

After nearly 3 months of reckless behavior with my husband and there were no signs of pregnancy in the horizon, I made an appointment with my gynecologist. I wasn't necessarily trying to get pregnant but I wasn't preventing it either. After giving me a clean bill of health, she suggested that I go for a HSG test. She couldn't determine what was going on but she acted on a hunch. I didn't think anything of it and I went about my business like nothing was wrong. I went in for my procedure and I was unpleasantly surprised at how painful it was. I was certainly not prepared.

After getting dressed I waited on my results in the patient area. I only waited for about 10 minutes before the PA came over and asked me was I alone or was my husband in the lobby. I told her I'm alone and immediately asked her what's wrong. Her tone was very somber and somewhat remorseful. At this point, I thought she was about to tell me I'm dying. She sat down and began to explain the results of my X-ray. Somehow my Fallopian tubes were dilated and blocked, preventing me from getting pregnant. Honestly, even as she was explaining this to me and showing me on my X-rays, I still didn't quite understand why she was so sad. I was just happy she didn't say I had some incurable disease. I was sure she was being overly dramatic especially after she kept asking me if I was ok. She even had a box of tissues in her hand just in case. When she finished explaining my results and my next step, she asked if I had any questions and I said no. She looked puzzled as if she missed something. I reassured her that I didn't have any questions and I went on my way. I could tell that she was expecting tears, outbursts about how life sucks or why is this happening to me but I didn't give her that. I was calm, upbeat and essentially clueless about the severity of my issue.

To be continued...

Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless

Tenisha



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    Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq. - Attorney, Business Manager for Professional Athletes, Entrepreneur, Philanthropist, Seminole & Mother to 3 Rambunctious Dogs 

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