In the Spring of 2005, my linesisters and I took an oath to forever be our linesisters' keeper but I had no idea how significant that oath would be in my life.  I first learned about sororities when I was in middle school. I'm originally from a very small country town in Florida and sorority life wasn't on anyone's radar. I was the first person in my immediate family to attend a four-year university so I didn't have any family members that were apart of Greek life. My best friend of twenty years was the exact opposite. Every woman in her family is a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. and she was exposed to sorority life from birth. As our friendship blossomed so did my interest in the sorority. All I knew was AKA and I vowed that if I had the chance, I would jump at the opportunity to become a member. I learned about the work in the community and the commitment to educational excellence but I was lured by the women themselves. They were the perfect combination of grace and strength.

When I enrolled at Florida State, I was more concerned with academics than extracurricular activities. I was focused on getting and maintaining a high GPA which left little time to attend any social events. After my freshman year, I was so involved in the athletic department that becoming a sorority girl seemed like a distant dream until that faithful day in the union that changed my life. I was so graciously introduced to a member of the sorority and I was flabbergasted. She was absolutely glamorous. Every member that I met after that was just like her. I inevitably became a member of the glamour chapter but I could have never imagined what a blessing it would be. 
I am honored to say that I have thirteen amazing linesisters. They are wives, mothers, sisters, daughters and best friends. Each one of them is utterly phenomenal. I love my linesisters. Not because we are linesisters but because they are my keepers. I have watched these women sacrifice for one another and love unconditionally solely based on the premise of sisterhood. Not generic, builder-grade sisterhood but that true “out of the night that covers me” sisterhood. We were forced to grow closer because of external circumstances and although we didn’t realize it then it was a blessing in disguise. We have endured. We have supported one another through some of the most difficult times and some of the best times of our lives. From deaths to marriages, we have been more than just a number.

Becoming an AKA but more importantly a ZO AKA helped me become the woman I am today. I have my linesisters but I also have a network of women that are true definitions of excellence. Almost 11 years later and I am still learning from them. Although my journey has not been perfect, it has been worth it. The lessons that I learned are truly invaluable!
 
I will forever be my linesisters’ keeper!  Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless

Tenisha 

After losing my daughter, I knew that it would take time to heal physically and emotionally. My husband and I received overwhelming support from our family and friends but we knew that it would be a difficult journey to recover. Losing a child is the hardest challenge that I have ever faced but I had faith that I would get through it. I knew I had to grieve but I didn’t want to be in hiding. Friends and family were uncomfortable around me. No one knew what to say. There were those that refused to address it and those who wanted to know every detail. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with someone mourning a loss but I have certainly learned some valuable lessons along the way. Here are some of the most difficult aspects of my grieving and how I overcame the pain.
 
Dealing with Babies and Pregnant Women.
 
Being in the presence of babies and pregnant women was heart wrenching. Whenever I would see a baby or a pregnant woman, my heart would yearn for those moments with my Mackenzie Grace. Even though I never changed her diaper or felt her kick in my womb, I missed those moments as if I had. I found myself avoiding them at all costs primarily because I didn’t want to cry or make them uncomfortable. I would leave the room or change seats so I wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that those joys were taken away from me. After running away for over a month, I realized that this wasn’t healthy. It simply wasn’t realistic. I was spending so much time avoiding the unavoidable instead of conquering the grief. I needed to cry in order to release those feelings. So I did but I added another element, prayer. I cried and prayed my way through it until I got to the point where I no longer felt somber when I was in the presence of babies or pregnant women.
 
Accepting that I May Never Know Why this Happened.
 
For months I endured tests and exams trying to figure out what went wrong. I went from one specialist to another and no one could find anything. My daughter was perfectly healthy and so was I. Naturally this bothered me. How could this be? If there is nothing wrong with me or with my daughter then why did this happen? I pondered this question over and over again until one night when I read this scripture “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV. I realized there are some things that I will never understand and that the only solution is to trust that God is in control and knows exactly what He is doing. My hope for my journey to motherhood is welded in my faith and trust in God’s will. I may not understand why this happened but I have faith that it will never happen again.
 
Realizing that I Will Never “Get Over It.”
 
As I planned for my grieving process, yes I attempted to plan my mourning, I rationed out time that I would spend grieving before I “got over it.” Every time I thought that I was over it, those feelings of hurt came rushing back and I would break down in tears. I didn’t realize that I will never “get over it.” Yes I will heal but it wasn’t healthy or productive to spend time trying to forget what happened. I will never forget how I felt about my daughter or how I felt the night I lost her however I will heal. I learned that losing a child isn’t something you “get over,” and no one expects that of you. I had to be patient with myself and with the process. I decided to put all of the letters, messages and cards that I received in a special box along with her angel blanket and booties to honor her. I still have moments of sorrow but in those times I find solace in my faith.  
 
My journey to motherhood has not been perfect or even ideal however I would not trade my experience for anything in the world. This is my test so I can have a testimony!
 
To be continued…
 
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
 
Tenisha

I have been to several weddings in the past few years primarily because I have reached that age when everyone is either getting married or having babies. I’m not kidding about the influx of weddings. In fact I attended a wedding two weeks ago and have two more this summer. I’m averaging three weddings a year and expecting this trend to continue for the next few years. So it’s safe to say I know a little something about weddings.
 
We have all heard about the “perfect wedding.” It’s wedding season and therefore the perfect wedding is the hot topic. From choosing the right bridesmaids to food allergy concerns, planning a wedding can be exhausting and adding the extra pressure of perfection isn’t ideal. We often hear brides saying their wedding day was the “best day of their lives” but not because it was perfect. A bride can drive herself crazy picking linens and floral arrangements, or agonize over the boutonnieres but at the end of the day only she will notice the minor imperfections. My suggestion is to shift focus to the key elements that serve as the statement pieces of any wedding.
 
1. Bridal Gown.
Yes both the bride and the groom will be standing in front of their loved ones, but no one I repeat no one will be asking what the groom is wearing. He gets quick glances from the guests and the occasional daze from those waiting to see if he will shed a tear but that’s it. From the moment the bride starts her journey down the aisle, everyone is focused on her. Bridal gown selection can be tricky. Try on different styles, fits, and even colors. I envisioned myself in a mermaid gown but was told repeatedly that I didn’t have the body for it. However, I went with my gut and tried it on and it was the perfect style for me. It created curves that I didn’t have and accentuated my natural frame.
 
2. Food Selection.
This is definitely a hot topic at any wedding but it is also where most of the money is spent. Food is expensive but making the wrong food choices can make or break the wedding experience for guests. A typical wedding is between 4-6 hours, and increases depending on the culture. On a normal day, we typically eat every 3-5 hours, and for some odd reason everyone is starving at weddings. I’m not saying break the budget for entrees but there has to be a realistic balance. No one wants guests to leave because they are hungry or have to grab something to eat on the way home because the food wasn’t appetizing. Of course everyone won’t be happy but the vast majority should be. Served plates are traditionally used at more formal weddings but I’ve seen this decline primarily because the larger the wedding the more this costs and there’s a greater chance the food will be cold. Not everyone is open to a buffet especially at a black tie affair so a great alternative is food stations. Even add an onsite chef preparing fresh entrees or protein. Guests aren’t just sitting around waiting for food or waiting in line for 30 minutes.
 
3. Music.
Choose DJs or live bands wisely. Music sets the mood, and just like food can absolutely make or break a wedding experience. Don’t just pick a band or DJ because a planner recommended them, test them out and see what they have to offer. Also, there is no set rule that there has to be either a DJ or a band. I had both. The band played for the ceremony and cocktail hour, and the DJ played during the reception. Two awesome vendors are East Coast Entertainment, who manage live entertainment in multiple cities and DJ Demp.
 
4. Photographer.
This element is a no brainer. Invest in the photographer even more so than the videographer. Honestly, I’ve watched my wedding video once but I’ve stared at my wedding photos over 100 times. I absolutely adore my photographer, Cendino Teme. Yes my photos are awesome but the experience is what I loved the most. No bride wants to be rushed or have to remind the photographer what he or she should be doing. That’s not what they get paid to do. My photographer definitely set the standard.
 
5. Time Management.
Spoiler Alert: Weddings never stay on schedule. They may start on time but somewhere along the way, groomsmen are on a wild goose chase for rouge groomsmen, bridesmaids are taking selfies in the bathroom, and guests refuse to let the newlyweds enjoy the food they paid for because they insist on taking pictures.  This is what weddings are about. No matter how much planning goes into the big day, time management is always an issue. I planned my entire wedding from start to finish but it was critical that I have a Day of Coordinator, and I Do Details was exactly what I needed. I didn’t worry at all. I told her my vision and she executed perfectly. It’s not realistic to think that a bride or a groom, or even a member of the bridal party can coordinate every aspect of the wedding on the big day. Choose someone that is organized and never late.
 
There’s truly no such thing as a perfect wedding. There will be bumps in the road and minor things that just aren’t right but overall every couple should feel like it was one of the best days of their lives. I know I do. Now can someone convince my husband to do it all over again!
 
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!
 
Tenisha