I had two more sets of blood work that confirmed my pregnancy. It worked! Having faith kept me strong throughout the process. At 6 weeks it was time for my first ultrasound where I would learn whether it was one baby or two, and we would be able to hear the heartbeats. As I sat on the table patiently waiting I prayed under my breath for good news. My doctor came in along with two nurses as we chanted team twins. She began the ultrasound and it was only one. Admittedly I was heartbroken because that meant that one of my embryos didn't survive. However I focused on the positive, we were having a baby. My due date was set for May 24th and we immediately notified our parents.
Every week leading up to week 10, I was scheduled for an ultrasound and blood work. Each exam ended with a positive result. The baby was strong and healthy. It was time for me to leave my fertility facility and transfer back to my regular OB. The entire fertility team was saddened by my departure but excited that I was pregnant. It was bittersweet. I had spent months with them and they helped me become a MTB. I was grateful for their support and love throughout my process.
My first appointment with my OB was full of joy and praise. She was so happy for me. We begin to plan out my pregnancy appointments and she gave me a list of things to do. I was happy and finally accepting the fact that I was about to be a mother. With each check up I anticipated seeing the baby and hearing the heartbeat. My first trimester was smooth sailing. I only suffered from mild nausea and a few weeks of exhaustion. My weight gain was minimal and I felt good.
It's a Girl!
At our 16 week appointment we couldn't wait to find out the gender. We scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound and we spent 30 minutes watching our baby dance around my womb. It was a girl! She was very active and waved at us. It was real! We were having a baby girl. We had already decided on a name, Mackenzie Grace Brown. I just knew that she would be just like her mommy.
Mackenzie Grace - Our Angel
On December 16th I begin to feel sharp pains in my abdomen. I couldn't figure out what it was and after 2 hours of suffering I called for my husband to take me to the hospital. I could barely make it down the stairs due to the pain. We finally made it to the car and right before I got in, my water broke. I couldn't control my emotions. I wanted to fall to the floor but my husband caught me. He carried me in the house and he immediately called 911. The ambulance arrived but I knew it was already too late.
At 17 weeks, the likelihood of baby Mackenzie surviving was virtually impossible. There was no rush to the hospital, the ride was slow and even after we arrived at the ER there was no mad dash to save her. I lost all of my amniotic fluid and although she still had a heartbeat, we all knew it was the end. Due to her size I had to deliver her which took almost 24 hours of labor. Mackenzie Grace was born at 9:36pm on December 17, 2015. She was a beautiful baby girl and she looked just like her daddy. Just before midnight we said our last goodbyes to our baby girl. Losing her is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.
Thoughts of doubt and fear rushed through my mind as I held her in my arms. How could God bless me with this beautiful little girl and then take her away from me? What could I have done to prevent this? I felt my faith slipping. I couldn't process what was going on and the more I thought about it, the more tears begin to flow. I felt her spirit and I have faith that she's our little angel.
As I begin to grieve, I was compelled to write. I had intentions of posting a blog on the morning I lost Mackenzie Grace announcing her pending arrival but God had other plans. I don't know why this happened but I do know that the only way I can get through this is through prayer. I'm truly thankful for my husband and all of the support from my family and friends. Although we lost Mackenzie Grace, we are not giving up on becoming parents. We will always love our baby girl!
In loving memory of Mackenzie Grace Brown!
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!