We have all heard the term “shaming” used for pretty much everything including the more prominent body shaming and mom shaming but recently there has been a new trend “pregnancy-shaming.” Honestly, I had no idea this even existed until my husband started playing in the NFL but it didn’t register with me until I started my journey towards motherhood. For the first four seasons of my husband’s NFL career, I was a girlfriend. I quickly realized that being just a girlfriend put me just above the side-chicks on the hierarchy of legitimacy. I was replaceable in the eyes of others and the only thing that would set me apart would be an engagement ring or a pregnancy.
Well, I got the ring but unfortunately it still wasn’t enough. Once we got engaged, I was immediately bombarded with questions about our start date for procreation. These questions escalated once we got married. Why wasn’t I pregnant? When am I getting pregnant? Why don’t you want kids? All of these questions were grossly misguided but the kicker came when I was mom-shamed and pregnancy-shamed in the same conversation. I was criticized for not having kids by someone who was a wife and mom. Once she discovered that I wasn’t a mom or even pregnant, she immediately moved on as if somehow my value decreased. At the time my husband and I had just started our journey towards parenthood and we had no idea that in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was our only option. Not having children too often leaves women open to criticism for not doing and giving enough.
Pregnancy shaming extends beyond getting pregnant and giving my husband heirs to his throne, it resonates throughout pregnancy as well. I saw a post from a well-known pregnant woman that claimed that she was doing pregnancy better than anyone and challenged future mothers to look better, be in better shape or to be more fabulous. When did pregnancy become a competition? I have several friends that are hesitant to post pregnancy photos because of the fear of judgment by others. Pregnancy is one of the most difficult processes that any woman can go through and somewhere along the way growing a human being became a sport in which championship rings are awarded to those with the most elaborate baby showers, best “fit pregnancy” workout videos, and the best dressed toddlers.
After reading post after post judging women for being married but not having children, or for not doing pregnancy the “right way” I decided that enough was enough. A woman’s womb is her business and I have learned that you never know what a woman is enduring. She may yearn for children but cannot get pregnant. She may be able to get pregnant but has had several miscarriages. She may also be a woman who chooses not to bear children at all. As for doing pregnancy the “right way,” there is no right or wrong way to be pregnant. Growing a life is a blessing that should not warrant the masses declaring open season for insults and criticism on the mother-to-be.
I refuse to be ashamed of my journey to motherhood. My husband didn’t marry my womb, he married all of me! Therefore, I AM ENOUGH!
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!
Tenisha
Well, I got the ring but unfortunately it still wasn’t enough. Once we got engaged, I was immediately bombarded with questions about our start date for procreation. These questions escalated once we got married. Why wasn’t I pregnant? When am I getting pregnant? Why don’t you want kids? All of these questions were grossly misguided but the kicker came when I was mom-shamed and pregnancy-shamed in the same conversation. I was criticized for not having kids by someone who was a wife and mom. Once she discovered that I wasn’t a mom or even pregnant, she immediately moved on as if somehow my value decreased. At the time my husband and I had just started our journey towards parenthood and we had no idea that in-vitro fertilization (IVF) was our only option. Not having children too often leaves women open to criticism for not doing and giving enough.
Pregnancy shaming extends beyond getting pregnant and giving my husband heirs to his throne, it resonates throughout pregnancy as well. I saw a post from a well-known pregnant woman that claimed that she was doing pregnancy better than anyone and challenged future mothers to look better, be in better shape or to be more fabulous. When did pregnancy become a competition? I have several friends that are hesitant to post pregnancy photos because of the fear of judgment by others. Pregnancy is one of the most difficult processes that any woman can go through and somewhere along the way growing a human being became a sport in which championship rings are awarded to those with the most elaborate baby showers, best “fit pregnancy” workout videos, and the best dressed toddlers.
After reading post after post judging women for being married but not having children, or for not doing pregnancy the “right way” I decided that enough was enough. A woman’s womb is her business and I have learned that you never know what a woman is enduring. She may yearn for children but cannot get pregnant. She may be able to get pregnant but has had several miscarriages. She may also be a woman who chooses not to bear children at all. As for doing pregnancy the “right way,” there is no right or wrong way to be pregnant. Growing a life is a blessing that should not warrant the masses declaring open season for insults and criticism on the mother-to-be.
I refuse to be ashamed of my journey to motherhood. My husband didn’t marry my womb, he married all of me! Therefore, I AM ENOUGH!
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!
Tenisha
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