I have always been open about my journey particularly with my family and close friends. I would give them the run down on why I had to have surgery and then the conversation would turn into a confessional of issues they may be battling as well. With each conversation I began to realize that if I had never started the conversation I would have never known what they were going through or had been through. From miscarriages to years of infertility, it was a plethora of stories that shook me to the core. Not because I was shocked by the details but by the fact that they were dealing with the loss and pain in silence.
Although I had heard several stories about various reproductive problems, there was no one that had been through IVF. I had to explain the process at least 100 times. Reassuring everyone including my parents that it was safe and that it was the right choice for me.
Pills and Shots...My New Normal
I have never been a medications person. I never rushed to the pain meds at the first sign of a headache or any other problem. Even after my surgeries I quickly weened myself off of the meds. The only pills that I would take consistently would be my daily vitamins and any mandatory post-surgical antibiotics. I would not say that I’m a holistic person but I found that the more natural I am the better I feel.
Unfortunately, IVF is a bed of artificial stimulation. As my doctor explained the process of IVF and how the medications replace the natural process that your body goes through, I found myself in awe at the greatness of God. It takes so much just to imitate the natural processes of creating life. Something that I had taken for granted for so many years. I knew there would be several mediations but I wasn’t prepared for the package I received.
As I opened the box and pulled out medication after medication, I couldn’t believe that my name was actually on every single one. From pills to injections that required me to do far more than I could have imagined, I was dumbfounded. I was immediately overwhelmed and anxious about messing it up or doing it wrong. I called my best friends, who are Physician Assistants, and demanded that they move in with me so they could give me my injections. I realize that I was being a little dramatic. Obviously, they said no and insisted that I was more than capable of doing it myself.
As I contemplated whether or not I was going to actually go through with this, I decided to call my grandmother, my faithful prayer warrior. She didn’t quite understand the IVF process however she understood that when God is leading you in a direction you must listen and trust that He will give you the strength to get through your challenges. As I described to her the amount of pills I would have to take and the type of injections, I instantly felt foolish. I was I complaining about something I prayed for, something that was necessary to becoming a mother, and something that was so miniscule compared to what she goes through on a daily basis. I reminded myself that she knows about all of these things. She knows about injections because she has to endure dialysis. She knows about multiple pills because she has to take them on schedule daily. One fact reined true, she never complained. Without even a lecture she snapped me back to reality. I asked for this. I wanted this. I was blessed with this. So I chose to put on my big girl panties and be positive. Ironically those same best friends that refused to move in with me, gave me my first injection and it was a moment that I will never forget.
To Be Continued…
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless