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My Journey to Motherhood: Blessed!

12/18/2015

9 Comments

 
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After completing my IVF transfer, I was prepared for whatever the result would be. After waiting 12 days it was time for my first set of blood work. In my heart I felt like the test would be positive but I waited patiently for the call. Shortly after 1pm my phone begin to ring and I rushed to answer. It was my doctor but she had a very somber voice. I prepared myself for the worst but despite her tone, she quickly said you're pregnant. I immediately broke down in tears because my dream had come true. I didn't know if I was pregnant with twins or just one. I wanted twins so badly because I didn't want to go through IVF again but honestly I was just happy that I was pregnant.

I had two more sets of blood work that confirmed my pregnancy. It worked! Having faith kept me strong throughout the process. At 6 weeks it was time for my first ultrasound where I would learn whether it was one baby or two, and we would be able to hear the heartbeats. As I sat on the table patiently waiting I prayed under my breath for good news. My doctor came in along with two nurses as we chanted team twins. She began the ultrasound and it was only one. Admittedly I was heartbroken because that meant that one of my embryos didn't survive. However I focused on the positive, we were having a baby. My due date was set for May 24th and we immediately notified our parents.

Every week leading up to week 10, I was scheduled for an ultrasound and blood work. Each exam ended with a positive result. The baby was strong and healthy. It was time for me to leave my fertility facility and transfer back to my regular OB. The entire fertility team was saddened by my departure but excited that I was pregnant. It was bittersweet. I had spent months with them and they helped me become a MTB. I was grateful for their support and love throughout my process.

My first appointment with my OB was full of joy and praise. She was so happy for me. We begin to plan out my pregnancy appointments and she gave me a list of things to do. I was happy and finally accepting the fact that I was about to be a mother. With each check up I anticipated seeing the baby and hearing the heartbeat. My first trimester was smooth sailing. I only suffered from mild nausea and a few weeks of exhaustion. My weight gain was minimal and I felt good.

It's a Girl!

At our 16 week appointment we couldn't wait to find out the gender. We scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound and we spent 30 minutes watching our baby dance around my womb. It was a girl! She was very active and waved at us. It was real! We were having a baby girl. We had already decided on a name, Mackenzie Grace Brown. I just knew that she would be just like her mommy.


Mackenzie Grace - Our Angel
On December 16th I begin to feel sharp pains in my abdomen. I couldn't figure out what it was and after 2 hours of suffering I called for my husband to take me to the hospital. I could barely make it down the stairs due to the pain. We finally made it to the car and right before I got in, my water broke. I couldn't control my emotions. I wanted to fall to the floor but my husband caught me. He carried me in the house and he immediately called 911. The ambulance arrived but I knew it was already too late.

At 17 weeks, the likelihood of baby Mackenzie surviving was virtually impossible. There was no rush to the hospital, the ride was slow and even after we arrived at the ER there was no mad dash to save her. I lost all of my amniotic fluid and although she still had a heartbeat, we all knew it was the end. Due to her size I had to deliver her which took almost 24 hours of labor. Mackenzie Grace was born at 9:36pm on December 17, 2015. She was a beautiful baby girl and she looked just like her daddy. Just before midnight we said our last goodbyes to our baby girl. Losing her is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my entire life.

Thoughts of doubt and fear rushed through my mind as I held her in my arms. How could God bless me with this beautiful little girl and then take her away from me? What could I have done to prevent this? I felt my faith slipping. I couldn't process what was going on and the more I thought about it, the more tears begin to flow. I felt her spirit and I have faith that she's our little angel.

As I begin to grieve, I was compelled to write. I had intentions of posting a blog on the morning I lost Mackenzie Grace announcing her pending arrival but God had other plans. I don't know why this happened but I do know that the only way I can get through this is through prayer. I'm truly thankful for my husband and all of the support from my family and friends. Although we lost Mackenzie Grace, we are not giving up on becoming parents. We will always love our baby girl!

In loving memory of Mackenzie Grace Brown!


Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!

Tenisha
9 Comments
Theresa Heflin
12/19/2015 03:31:58 pm

My beautiful neisha I am so sorry. My prayers are with you and your husband.

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Tenisha
12/19/2015 06:40:32 pm

Punkin thank you! I really appreciate your words of kindness.

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Zoe Rivers
12/19/2015 06:26:43 pm

I don't know you, but your post truly touched my heart. I can't imagine what you're going through. You have a very special angel watching over you now and I hope that your heart becomes filled with strength and love to make it through this difficult time.
Sending you much love, Z.

Reply
Tenisha
12/19/2015 06:39:34 pm

Z! Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate it! I pray my story blesses someone else!

Thanks again!
Tenisha

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Spiceda
12/19/2015 11:04:52 pm

You are strong my Soror. God will continue to surround you and your husband with comfort through this. You are parents to a beautiful angel.

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Delaine Gardner
12/20/2015 04:03:31 pm

Considered not a lost but a forever love my prayers forever with you always

Reply
Tenisha
12/20/2015 07:31:54 pm

Thank you!

Reply
Kryssy
12/21/2015 05:13:39 am

My condolences to you and your family. Just remember you will always have an angel now <3

Reply
Damika Hall Brown
12/25/2015 11:09:00 pm

Dear Tenisha, although we've never met I'm your husbands 2nd cousin. I only met him a few times at family gatherings as kids and teens. My heart goes out to you and I will be praying for you. I totally understand your emotions and pain. Unfortunately, I went through this in 2002. God will see you through this tough time and it won't be easy but I can tell your strength via social media. You are a survivor and your Faith will sustain you in your darkest hours as it did for me. I am praying hard for you both. I'm just a call, text, or email away.
Love Damika (Mika) .

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    Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq. - Attorney, Business Manager for Professional Athletes, Entrepreneur, Philanthropist, Seminole & Mother to 3 Rambunctious Dogs 

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