I'm married but not dead! The fact that I even have to say this is a little absurd but then again it is a common stereotype that once you get married then life as you know it ends. Well I would like to dispel this notion. Just because you get married doesn't mean that the fun stops and that it's all about being married. Yes two become one but you still have likes, dislikes, wants, needs, dreams and goals. You don't have to morph into someone you no longer recognize. I say this because ironically most married couples feel the same way. It's the single people who keep trying to put us old married folk in a box.
This thought came up during a conversation with a couple of my single girlfriends. They insisted that I couldn't have fun because now that I'm married there are limitations on my fun meter. I starkly disagreed but they were adamant about the fact that I'm married, officially made my life a turn down. This was unfair especially since I so thoroughly enjoy being the fun friend. So I decided to ask my married friends what were some common misconceptions that single people have about their marriage, and we all had similar responses.
What people think happens when you get married?
You husband/wife is your ONLY friend.
What really happens?
You still have the same friends that you want to hang out with all the time. However most of the time those friends stop inviting you because they assume you would prefer to be with your spouse. Why? Because you're married! You have to do everything together right? Incorrect! I love spending time with my husband but I also love spending time with my girlfriends. They always keep me laughing and can relate to whatever I'm going through in life as women.
I also love spending time with myself. Alone time is so important in a marriage in order to maintain a sense of peace. One of my friends used the conjoined twins metaphor: if the wife goes then the husband must go, and vice versa. This is not the case. Just because you're married doesn't mean you want to spend every second with that person.
What people think happens when you get married?
You have to ask your spouse permission to go anywhere!
What really happens?
My husband and I had a conversation about this and we both think it's hilarious. He gets this question all the time from his friends "is the wife going to let you hang out tonight?" Quite frankly I encourage him to hang out with his friends. He needs that male bonding time just like I need time to hang with my girls. He doesn't have to ask me permission and neither do I. We are both adults and notifying each other just in case there's a conflict is sufficient. Communication doesn't equal checking in.
What people think happens when you get married?
As soon as you get married, you immediately have to have children.
What really happens?
We were literally getting the question on our wedding day, "so when are you going to have kids?" I mean I was fresh off of the alter and I barely had enough time to process having a husband let alone a child. Being married is a growing experience and some couples, including my husband and I, want to enjoy each other before embarking on the journey to becoming parents. The assumption that I only married my husband to have mini versions of ourselves instead of wanting to build a life together is far too common.
Within the first month of being married I vowed that I would never ask a couple that question again. It's too much pressure and most of the time it's from people who really have no business asking that question in the first place.
What people think happens when you get married?
Your sex life is non-existent.
What really happens?
Ironically, this was the most common answer. I'm not sure why people assume that once you're married your sex life is dead. Maybe it's the media or shows that portray this stereotype. Well that's definitely not the case. If anything you feel more secure in your sexuality and more comfortable because it's your husband (speaking for wives), and you are more willing to try new things. We don't just have sex to procreate. As your marriage matures, so does your sex life.
What people think happens when you get married?
You stopped doing certain things solely because you're married.
What really happens?
Yes there are some things you stop doing because you're married, for example, sleeping with other people but there are things that you stop doing because you are maturing. With any transition in life there are some things that you leave behind. Things you did in high school are no longer acceptable in college, and of course there are a lot of things you did in college that you would lose your job for as an adult. You don't do those things not because you're attached but because you have grown past that point in life. Marriage changes some things but most of the time it's just maturation as an individual and has very little to do with being married. I limit my mid week late nights because I have early morning meetings and conference calls that won't accept the excuse that I'm tired because I was busy turning up last night.
What people think happens when you get married?
Marriage, more so the wedding day, is the end goal and that you no longer have to date your spouse.
What really happens?
Spoiler alert!!! The wedding day is just the beginning. Marriage is an ongoing journey that is constantly changing. You have to make adjustments all the time and a part of that is continuing to "date" your spouse. You can't get married and say that's it. The work has only begun. One of my girlfriends said it best "marriage and dating are two separate things. We think we know everything about our hubby. Not true. It is very important to continue to date your spouse. That is the only way you will grow together and learn each other at every phase of life. It is also the only way daily life won't separate you two." Marriage is a journey that truly never ends.
Dear single people, I promise we aren't who you think we are, and when you get married you will realize just like we did the grave error in these assumptions.
Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless
This thought came up during a conversation with a couple of my single girlfriends. They insisted that I couldn't have fun because now that I'm married there are limitations on my fun meter. I starkly disagreed but they were adamant about the fact that I'm married, officially made my life a turn down. This was unfair especially since I so thoroughly enjoy being the fun friend. So I decided to ask my married friends what were some common misconceptions that single people have about their marriage, and we all had similar responses.
What people think happens when you get married?
You husband/wife is your ONLY friend.
What really happens?
You still have the same friends that you want to hang out with all the time. However most of the time those friends stop inviting you because they assume you would prefer to be with your spouse. Why? Because you're married! You have to do everything together right? Incorrect! I love spending time with my husband but I also love spending time with my girlfriends. They always keep me laughing and can relate to whatever I'm going through in life as women.
I also love spending time with myself. Alone time is so important in a marriage in order to maintain a sense of peace. One of my friends used the conjoined twins metaphor: if the wife goes then the husband must go, and vice versa. This is not the case. Just because you're married doesn't mean you want to spend every second with that person.
What people think happens when you get married?
You have to ask your spouse permission to go anywhere!
What really happens?
My husband and I had a conversation about this and we both think it's hilarious. He gets this question all the time from his friends "is the wife going to let you hang out tonight?" Quite frankly I encourage him to hang out with his friends. He needs that male bonding time just like I need time to hang with my girls. He doesn't have to ask me permission and neither do I. We are both adults and notifying each other just in case there's a conflict is sufficient. Communication doesn't equal checking in.
What people think happens when you get married?
As soon as you get married, you immediately have to have children.
What really happens?
We were literally getting the question on our wedding day, "so when are you going to have kids?" I mean I was fresh off of the alter and I barely had enough time to process having a husband let alone a child. Being married is a growing experience and some couples, including my husband and I, want to enjoy each other before embarking on the journey to becoming parents. The assumption that I only married my husband to have mini versions of ourselves instead of wanting to build a life together is far too common.
Within the first month of being married I vowed that I would never ask a couple that question again. It's too much pressure and most of the time it's from people who really have no business asking that question in the first place.
What people think happens when you get married?
Your sex life is non-existent.
What really happens?
Ironically, this was the most common answer. I'm not sure why people assume that once you're married your sex life is dead. Maybe it's the media or shows that portray this stereotype. Well that's definitely not the case. If anything you feel more secure in your sexuality and more comfortable because it's your husband (speaking for wives), and you are more willing to try new things. We don't just have sex to procreate. As your marriage matures, so does your sex life.
What people think happens when you get married?
You stopped doing certain things solely because you're married.
What really happens?
Yes there are some things you stop doing because you're married, for example, sleeping with other people but there are things that you stop doing because you are maturing. With any transition in life there are some things that you leave behind. Things you did in high school are no longer acceptable in college, and of course there are a lot of things you did in college that you would lose your job for as an adult. You don't do those things not because you're attached but because you have grown past that point in life. Marriage changes some things but most of the time it's just maturation as an individual and has very little to do with being married. I limit my mid week late nights because I have early morning meetings and conference calls that won't accept the excuse that I'm tired because I was busy turning up last night.
What people think happens when you get married?
Marriage, more so the wedding day, is the end goal and that you no longer have to date your spouse.
What really happens?
Spoiler alert!!! The wedding day is just the beginning. Marriage is an ongoing journey that is constantly changing. You have to make adjustments all the time and a part of that is continuing to "date" your spouse. You can't get married and say that's it. The work has only begun. One of my girlfriends said it best "marriage and dating are two separate things. We think we know everything about our hubby. Not true. It is very important to continue to date your spouse. That is the only way you will grow together and learn each other at every phase of life. It is also the only way daily life won't separate you two." Marriage is a journey that truly never ends.
Dear single people, I promise we aren't who you think we are, and when you get married you will realize just like we did the grave error in these assumptions.
Forever Fierce Fabulous & Flawless
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