Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless!
Fierce Fabulous & Flawless
  • Home
  • Blog
    • Business & Finance
    • Relationships & Family
    • Faith & Motivation
    • Travel & Leisure
    • Health & Beauty
  • About
  • Contact

My Journey to Motherhood: Positive Grieving

3/31/2016

2 Comments

 
Picture
After losing my daughter, I knew that it would take time to heal physically and emotionally. My husband and I received overwhelming support from our family and friends but we knew that it would be a difficult journey to recover. Losing a child is the hardest challenge that I have ever faced but I had faith that I would get through it. I knew I had to grieve but I didn’t want to be in hiding. Friends and family were uncomfortable around me. No one knew what to say. There were those that refused to address it and those who wanted to know every detail. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with someone mourning a loss but I have certainly learned some valuable lessons along the way. Here are some of the most difficult aspects of my grieving and how I overcame the pain.
 
Dealing with Babies and Pregnant Women.
 
Being in the presence of babies and pregnant women was heart wrenching. Whenever I would see a baby or a pregnant woman, my heart would yearn for those moments with my Mackenzie Grace. Even though I never changed her diaper or felt her kick in my womb, I missed those moments as if I had. I found myself avoiding them at all costs primarily because I didn’t want to cry or make them uncomfortable. I would leave the room or change seats so I wouldn’t have to deal with the fact that those joys were taken away from me. After running away for over a month, I realized that this wasn’t healthy. It simply wasn’t realistic. I was spending so much time avoiding the unavoidable instead of conquering the grief. I needed to cry in order to release those feelings. So I did but I added another element, prayer. I cried and prayed my way through it until I got to the point where I no longer felt somber when I was in the presence of babies or pregnant women.
 
Accepting that I May Never Know Why this Happened.
 
For months I endured tests and exams trying to figure out what went wrong. I went from one specialist to another and no one could find anything. My daughter was perfectly healthy and so was I. Naturally this bothered me. How could this be? If there is nothing wrong with me or with my daughter then why did this happen? I pondered this question over and over again until one night when I read this scripture “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV. I realized there are some things that I will never understand and that the only solution is to trust that God is in control and knows exactly what He is doing. My hope for my journey to motherhood is welded in my faith and trust in God’s will. I may not understand why this happened but I have faith that it will never happen again.
 
Realizing that I Will Never “Get Over It.”
 
As I planned for my grieving process, yes I attempted to plan my mourning, I rationed out time that I would spend grieving before I “got over it.” Every time I thought that I was over it, those feelings of hurt came rushing back and I would break down in tears. I didn’t realize that I will never “get over it.” Yes I will heal but it wasn’t healthy or productive to spend time trying to forget what happened. I will never forget how I felt about my daughter or how I felt the night I lost her however I will heal. I learned that losing a child isn’t something you “get over,” and no one expects that of you. I had to be patient with myself and with the process. I decided to put all of the letters, messages and cards that I received in a special box along with her angel blanket and booties to honor her. I still have moments of sorrow but in those times I find solace in my faith.  
 
My journey to motherhood has not been perfect or even ideal however I would not trade my experience for anything in the world. This is my test so I can have a testimony!
 
To be continued…
 
Forever Fierce, Fabulous & Flawless
 
Tenisha

2 Comments
Jurena
4/1/2016 07:40:54 am

((((HUGS)))) Know that you have a gang of us here for you. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I am also humbled and in awe of your strength and bravery for putting this out there. Your story will help others who are struggling and going through the same thing. It will let them know that they are not alone. I have teared up and cried reading this. That is just how real and powerful your story is. Keep up the good work. You are in my prayers.

Reply
NaTonia
4/1/2016 05:14:03 pm

It is so hard to grieve, any in many situations life gives us we have to, we just have to get it out. And how we overcome is the journey. We also have to remember it isn't the end.... it is always to be continued. Love you sis!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Author

    Tenisha Patterson Brown, Esq. - Attorney, Business Manager for Professional Athletes, Entrepreneur, Philanthropist, Seminole & Mother to 3 Rambunctious Dogs 

    Archives

    January 2018
    August 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Home

About

Blog

Menu

Contact

Copyright © 2015